This anxious load

I have been worried about something for months now.  I feel so much anxiety and fear and it's been really hard for me to deal with.  I wanted to share it on my blog because I love all my readers and could sure use some extra thoughts and prayers right now.

It all started with a visit to my dentist.  I knew there was a problem with my bridge in the upper right side of my mouth.  It just didn't seem "right" anymore.  After the x-rays my worries were confirmed.  Some of my roots were literally exploded and the tissue around my teeth was seriously deteriorating.

What are my options?  Complete removal.

After the initial shock wore off I felt so heavy about it.  What on earth would I do without three of my upper molars!!?  The plan was set out before me.  It would take about 6 months for the gums to heal and the bone to grow and then I could get two implants with another bridge.  Voila!  Permanent teeth!  (Don't even get me started on how much $ this whole process is going to cost!!  I have the worst insurance and it only pays 1,000 a year, so let's just say that the credit card we almost have paid off isn't getting paid off this year).

I still wasn't looking forward to it, but at least we had a plan.

The first step was to fix all the problems on my left side since I would be chewing on that side a lot.  One root canal, one crown and two cavities later I was ready for the extractions and scheduled them for August 13th.  School wouldn't be starting yet and the summer activities were winding down.  It seemed like a good date.

The week before I left for camp I noticed a large lump by my lower right molar.  I don't know if you remember all the awful pain this molar caused me in the past (not to mention how much it has cost me to have two major root canals and a crown put on it), but I just couldn't believe anything was possibly wrong with that one.  I decided to have it looked at really quick before camp "just in case"

Well, it was MORE bad news.

My body was rejecting the tooth and it has a huge abscess.  I can't feel it (thank goodness) BUT there is nothing to be done.  That tooth must also go.  Tears came after he said that.  I can't even believe what is happening to my mouth!!  I have the most amazing dentist and he is so honest with me.  He is perplexed by my dental "issues" as well.  He has never heard of someone as young as me having such problems.  It's like I have a little cavity and it rapidly decays to the point of it needing root canal therapy.

So, now, next Tuesday I will be having three of my molars removed on my right side.  I am so unhappy about the whole thing.  I hate the pain.  I hate the thought of missing so many teeth.  I hate that I am going to cost our family thousands of dollars.....

Please pray for me-that I can be calm and that I can heal quickly.  Pray for the dentist too because if he can't remove the teeth I will have to go to a surgeon and I really don't want to do that.

I found some comfort today in a hymn.  It's been playing through my mind every time I think about my situation and my upcoming appointment.  I know it's the Lord's way of telling me it will be ok.  Thanks for listening to all my ramblings.  I will be sure to update you after my appointment on Tuesday and maybe even humor you with a picture of my chubby cheeks :)  Beth

1. How gentle God's commands!
   How kind his precepts are!
   Come, cast your burdens on the Lord
   And trust his constant care.
2. Beneath his watchful eye,
   His Saints securely dwell;
   That hand which bears all nature up
   Shall guard his children well.
3. Why should this anxious load
   Press down your weary mind?
   Haste to your Heavenly Father's throne
   And sweet refreshment find.
4. His goodness stands approved,
   Unchanged from day to day;
   I'll drop my burden at his feet
   And bear a song away.