I was touched the other Sunday by a sister's testimony. She said it is hard to hear the answer no, but you know that something greater is in store. I reflected back to August 2009 and the hardest answer I have had to accept. No. No to something that is good, no to something that I love with all my heart, no to something I will miss dearly.
No more children are waiting for us.
I still have tears in my eyes when I think of it. I had a righteous desire but Heavenly Father knows much more than I do. I feel strongly that he is pleased with me. He is happy I have five children. He doesn’t want me to be in a position that I could not care for the family I have. I have been blessed, maybe even lucky. If I had more children, I could not care for them as I do now. My mind and body would change and I would not be me. I have to accept this answer. Gratitude helps me to accept it. I still long for it more than ever, but I am seeing the blessings. I am seeing that my life is not over, it has simply begun a new chapter. New pages of possibilities are waiting to be filled. Filled with music, laughter, a rare night away with my love!!! It’s not so bad to start a new chapter. It is exciting and a little frightening. I am still a great mom, I can still love babies, I can serve and work and do everything I can to receive the blessings that are coming my way. Each little piece of clothing I give away, each baby toy I box up is a little closing of that chapter. I wish it would be easy, but how easy is it to deny your own hearts desire?
No more children are waiting for us.
I still have tears in my eyes when I think of it. I had a righteous desire but Heavenly Father knows much more than I do. I feel strongly that he is pleased with me. He is happy I have five children. He doesn’t want me to be in a position that I could not care for the family I have. I have been blessed, maybe even lucky. If I had more children, I could not care for them as I do now. My mind and body would change and I would not be me. I have to accept this answer. Gratitude helps me to accept it. I still long for it more than ever, but I am seeing the blessings. I am seeing that my life is not over, it has simply begun a new chapter. New pages of possibilities are waiting to be filled. Filled with music, laughter, a rare night away with my love!!! It’s not so bad to start a new chapter. It is exciting and a little frightening. I am still a great mom, I can still love babies, I can serve and work and do everything I can to receive the blessings that are coming my way. Each little piece of clothing I give away, each baby toy I box up is a little closing of that chapter. I wish it would be easy, but how easy is it to deny your own hearts desire?
I hold on to the fact that Heavenly Father won’t give me more than I can handle, and if it means accepting his will, I can handle that.
Beth
5 comments:
Good job. Heavenly Father does know best and I am glad you are working on accepting that. Thinking of you. Keep the faith!
*hugs* I'm excited for you to enjoy this next phase! :) You *are* a great mom, and you *can* still love babies... plus, think of how much more organization/craft SPACE you'll have once you're done with baby clothes & toys!!! :)
FWIW, I think that the Lord definitely helps that baby-longing grow less acute. It's taken time, but I know He has for me... although we know we're not all the way done, our answer is "not right now." Believe me, I'm a bit concerned about getting up 3 times a night in my fifties, LOL!
At any rate, your peace of knowing that Heavenly Father is pleased with you is precious. Hold on to that! *more hugs* Enjoy your new chapter!!! :)
Just don't give away all the baby things. Someday you'll have grandkids, and you'll appreciate having a few things for them. I know it's hard to accept Heavenly Father's plan. This phase is a fun one, too. Thinking of you.
It is amazing how HF knows us, truely who we are and what we need. But is hard to leave things behind. Or feel left behind because we aren't the ones having the babies anymore. :/ But what I was most grateful for was that He gave me a feeling conformation and peace that I can always turn to and rely on when my heart longs for those things that are no longer there for my taking. My heart is with you. :)
It is amazing how HF knows us, truely who we are and what we need. But is hard to leave things behind. Or feel left behind because we aren't the ones having the babies anymore. :/ But what I was most grateful for was that He gave me a feeling conformation and peace that I can always turn to and rely on when my heart longs for those things that are no longer there for my taking. My heart is with you. :)
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