WOW! It has been almost a year since my last post. I started so many posts and never finished them, and I pretty much forgot I even had a blog anymore. But, I need this. I love writing and I love looking back, and so for me I have decided to try it again. There has been so many changes happen in 2016. I was going along happily and enjoying working part time and having freedom and being able to keep up on the house and kids...but obviously Heavenly Father had a completely different plan for me. I have to admit, when I found out I was pregnant in July I cried and prayed and cried some more and begged that this would not happen to me. I lost my perspective and pretty much thought my life was over. It took me into two months of deep and dark days. The overwhelming thoughts and feelings left me numb. It. Was. Hard. I remember when I finally decided to call my doctor. I didn't want to go in. I didn't want this to be real. I was ashamed and scared and angry....but I knew I had to face it and accept it. Kirk and Tayla went with me to that first appointment. I couldn't have done it without them. It's pretty amazing how my almost 9 year old daughter was the main reason I could feel anything. She was excited enough for both of us. She was brave enough for both of us. She was strong enough for both of us. She carried me out of my depression without even knowing it. She is my hero for that. And Kirk. Oh my goodness, he is such a rock. He was shocked at first, but accepted it and supported me 100% with his love and goodness and humor. We all anxiously waited to have that first ultrasound. The first image was this perfect and wiggly baby. My baby. It was surreal. I wasn't sure how far along I was, but they gave me a due date of March 20th. I was 10 weeks.
One of the hardest things about this was deciding when to tell family and friends. It would be a surprise to everyone!! It was hard telling the boys. They all had different reactions, worry, anger, excitement....it wasn't easy. That's one of the good things about pregnancy, you have months to digest the fact that a new baby is on its way and by the time you have it you are so excited and happy!! All of my boys are now on board and anxiously awaiting baby's arrival.
I decided to make my announcement fun and took pictures of cupcakes. It took a minute for most people to understand what it meant, but we had plenty of excited friends and family! On September 20th we made it known to the world!!
Now here I am, nearly 34 weeks along and it has been such a blur! With the holidays and so much snow this winter and all the crazy baking I did it has FLOWN by!! As the new year came I wanted to choose a word or a theme for myself. The only word I could come up with is "survive". That didn't seem very positive! I thought about it for weeks. Finally the thought came to me, "embrace the gifts"
So that is my theme this year. I will embrace whatever gifts are given me and find comfort in them and joy in them. This little baby girl is indeed a gift. A gift I was given without even asking. I can't wait to hold her and love on her. It's a big change for everyone in my family, but I think it will be wonderful!!!!!
Beth
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